Better Get Out Your Aspirin, Gals

The House released a health spending plan yesterday that arguably might be the least healthy for women ever!  Way to go, boys! (Sarcastic clap.)

Funny, they forgot to mention "for contraception."

Here’s a rundown (If I can quit rolling my eyes long enough to type):

• Eliminates Title X. The bill would scrap Title X. Title X is that radical family planning program begun by that most radical of presidents – Republican Richard Nixon. It provides contraception and preventive health services to mostly low-income Americans through community-based clinics. The horror! In all seriousness, every dollar invested in Title X saves almost $4 in government spending (mostly Medicaid) the next year, so if you’re looking to save money, scrapping Title X is a really moronic way to do it.
• Attacks Planned Parenthood. AGAIN. The bill would disqualify Planned Parenthood from receiving any federal funding whatsoever. So all you women who rely on Planned Parenthood for cervical cancer screenings? Well, there’s always other Title X clinics. OH, WAIT.
• No Funds to Implement “Obamacare.” Are you looking forward to no-cost reproductive health services under the Affordable Care Act? Me too! Well, that won’t happen in the House gets its way. NO PILLS FOR YOU!
• But Boy, Do They Love Their Abstinence Education! The bill would cut funding for comprehensive sex ed – you know, the kind that actually works – and shift the money to “abstinence-only” programs. In other words, just hold aspirin between your knees, gals.
• Puts Your Boss Between You and Your Doctor. Gross, right? The bill also would allow ANY health plan or employer to refuse ANY coverage for ANY reason. In other words, if you work at Bob’s Delicatessen, and Bob opposes birth control (or mammograms, or Pap tests), you’d better stock up on aspirin.

Speaking of aspirin, could you hand me the bottle? I feel a headache coming on.